sending my daughter off to college

recently went to look at a college with my daughter. This college just happened to be more than six hours away. It is a great college and specializes in what she is looking for (book publishing). It is a very small school in a small town which is what she likes. It is right on the ocean in Maine. It is also the least expensive of all the ones that she applied to which is an extra bonus. My baby is going to college in the fall and I just don't know what I am going to do without her. She is my rock and has been through all my ups and downs with me. I am very proud of her and how ambisous she is as well as determined to accomplish her dreams. I want nothing but the best for her even if it means losing her.

Christmas

Well we did not have a white Christmas this year but it did snow all day today and is supposed to keep snowing for a couple days. I like the look of snow but everytime I step outside my whole body stiffens right up and by the time I come back in the house I am a lot of pain. I have not slept real well in a while and my moods are more numb than anything. I was atleast able to give the kids a better Christmas than I thought I would so it was a good day yesterday. Christmas eve we went to one of my best friends' for a Christmas party. It was nice to spend some time with friends since my life has been very busy lately. I have started going to aquatic therapy again and have been in and out of the doctors as well as trying to keep up with my school work. I have been having a hard time staying focused, have been able to hide my stress levels from all my friends and family so that they are not worrying about me. As long as I keep telling myself what I need to do and what is right I should be fine.
Sometimes I really wish that I did not have to deal with the pain of fibromyalgia as well as the moods of being bipolar at the same time. They trigger eachother so if one gets worse so does the other. The good part of that is when one is doing good than it is most likely that the other one will as well.

stessing out, money is tight

have been having so many problems with our landlord that we had to hold rent before they even attempted to take care of some major issues about the apartment. It has been three months and still they have not fixed everything and now there are more issues. The most important of concerns are that our porch which is our second eagress has a cease and disist order on it and has been there since the end of summer and that both of the kids windows have huge cracks in them. Today we were given a demand for rent or else an eviction process will start. I have to talk to my lawyer because I am not sure what my rights are. Still stressing out though.

going to school

Since I have been on my meds I have decided it was time to further my education. In 2008 I enrolled in an online school to major in business management. In August I recieved my associates with a 3.93 GPA. I am so proud of myself so I decided to go for my bachelor degree. It has been very difficult to concentrate on my work with all the stress that is currently going on in my house. My ex husband is starting his own business and it is real slow right now. We are seriously hurting for money and am not too sure what we are going to do for christmas. I am having a huge thanksgiving this year with friends and family, there will be about ten people sardined into my little apartment. I think that this is the most people I have fed for thanksgiving ever. It should be fun.

time to start over

went to the doctors today and realized that I have gain 30 pounds over the past year. I have started eating junk again and started smoking again. I need to straighten up and get back to a decent schedule again. I will start walking again and even though the kids may not like it but there will not be any junk food in the house. I also defenitely need to stop smoking again. I figure once I am able to do this, my self esteem will rise again and my stress may be easier to manage. Since fibromyalgia reacts to emotions I am hoping that I will have less pain as well.

The stress of change

I recently had to move from a nice rented house in a good part of town to an apartment that is a reck (there is mold everywhere, no heat, and broken windows in the kids rooms). I made the mistake of not looking at the place before moving in. We did not have much an option though. My old landlord was selling the house and the new apartment was the only one in town with three bedrooms. I ended up having a breakdown for three days where I curled up and cried all the time. I felt like it was all my fault for bringing my family into such a miserable place. Ever since the move things just seem to be going down hill more and more. My exhusband lost his job and is trying to start his own business. It is going very slow and he has not been able to pay child support. I am having a really hard time trying to pay my bills never mind trying to give my kids all the extras that they are used to. Christmas is something I am trying to not even consider right now or another breakdown will occur. Due to all the stress that is in my life currently my fibromyalgia has been acting up more than normal. I feel like I am in a never ending spiral. I get depressed and my pain increases, I am in pain and my depression gets worse because I can't do all that I want.

I know its been a while but alot has happened and things have been kinda stressfull around here. Not only was my car totalled and we are trying unsucessfully to get money from the one that totalled it, but My ex's car is broke and it will cost a lot of money to fix. oh yeah we also lost power for a day which put me even further behind on my homework then I was. I thankfully have finally caught up, and one of my friends are letting use one of her cars till we figure something out. One of my other friends will let me take her van when I have an appointment as well. I guess it is true, what comes around goes around.