going to school

Since I have been on my meds I have decided it was time to further my education. In 2008 I enrolled in an online school to major in business management. In August I recieved my associates with a 3.93 GPA. I am so proud of myself so I decided to go for my bachelor degree. It has been very difficult to concentrate on my work with all the stress that is currently going on in my house. My ex husband is starting his own business and it is real slow right now. We are seriously hurting for money and am not too sure what we are going to do for christmas. I am having a huge thanksgiving this year with friends and family, there will be about ten people sardined into my little apartment. I think that this is the most people I have fed for thanksgiving ever. It should be fun.

time to start over

went to the doctors today and realized that I have gain 30 pounds over the past year. I have started eating junk again and started smoking again. I need to straighten up and get back to a decent schedule again. I will start walking again and even though the kids may not like it but there will not be any junk food in the house. I also defenitely need to stop smoking again. I figure once I am able to do this, my self esteem will rise again and my stress may be easier to manage. Since fibromyalgia reacts to emotions I am hoping that I will have less pain as well.

The stress of change

I recently had to move from a nice rented house in a good part of town to an apartment that is a reck (there is mold everywhere, no heat, and broken windows in the kids rooms). I made the mistake of not looking at the place before moving in. We did not have much an option though. My old landlord was selling the house and the new apartment was the only one in town with three bedrooms. I ended up having a breakdown for three days where I curled up and cried all the time. I felt like it was all my fault for bringing my family into such a miserable place. Ever since the move things just seem to be going down hill more and more. My exhusband lost his job and is trying to start his own business. It is going very slow and he has not been able to pay child support. I am having a really hard time trying to pay my bills never mind trying to give my kids all the extras that they are used to. Christmas is something I am trying to not even consider right now or another breakdown will occur. Due to all the stress that is in my life currently my fibromyalgia has been acting up more than normal. I feel like I am in a never ending spiral. I get depressed and my pain increases, I am in pain and my depression gets worse because I can't do all that I want.